so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
