New low: just hacked my moms facebook
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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