Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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