Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
it's like iHOP with fire
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
