What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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