I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
