i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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