I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
