I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
