i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
