sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
