Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
We had to coat check the pizza.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
