I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
