My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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