So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
