4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
