a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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