I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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