is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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