Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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