I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
