Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
