You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
