All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
My vagina just recognized that song.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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