You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
