and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
