I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
