Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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