Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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