So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
