Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
