The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
