Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
