Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
