Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
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