watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
We are two peas in an std pod
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
