I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
