my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
im holly from the hills drunk
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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