thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
