So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
