Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Dignity is for republicans.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Randomize
