I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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