he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
