we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
