i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
