As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
