you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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