My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
