My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
