my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
