o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
