I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
