i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
