Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
