I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
