Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
