o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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