I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
