you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
