I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
