Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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