my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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