So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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