We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
