hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
