He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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