when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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