i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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