I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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