So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
