How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
