I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
