I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
