Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
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