Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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