I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
