I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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