Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
