Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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