I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
