Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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