I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
