I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
